Lady’s Story
You are likely here because of my new picture book, Lady Needed Space; based on the true story of adopting a rescue pit mix with an unknown past. Lady was found on the side of 9 Mile Road in Richmond, VA in November 2019, and spent about 6 weeks at a local shelter. She was the obvious pick out of the bunch to myself and my roommate. We claimed her right away, dropped the “9 Mile” in her name, and told her she was home. It was on our first walk together that weekend that I discovered her severe dog reactivity and general anxiety, which was not disclosed to me by the shelter. They even told me someone had taken her for a hike and she did great on the leash and passing people and dogs on the trail.
At the time, I thought it would be an adjustment period for her and nothing some training couldn’t fix. I didn’t even know what reactivity was, let alone the nuances of body language, trigger stacking, or thresholds. Looking back, it's hard to not blame myself for being naive, but “no significant behavior issues” in her shelter bio had been all I needed to hear. I quickly fell in love with her and was all in. I’m sure you can understand, it’s easy to do with dogs.
Now when I say severe dog reactivity, I mean that Lady would panic when she saw another dog from virtually any distance away. It could have been coming face to face around a blind corner or from across a football field. She would lunge and bark uncontrollably, and only continue to escalate until the other dog was out of sight. Even after the dog was gone it could take her hours if not days for her to relax again. This also happened with deer, cats, plastic bags blowing in the wind, people far away doing something spooky… though other dogs on walks were the most common. She was in a state of constant stress when outside and could even be triggered by the sound of jingling keys if they sounded enough like another dog collar. And the more reactions she had, the quicker she would react the next time.
After a few weeks when going for walks around the neighborhood wasn’t getting any easier, I began to dive into research and find her the training she needed. I again was naive, not knowing the nuance of an unregulated industry and the difference between certified dog trainers and self-proclaimed “trainers.” I selected the most affordable training programs with the greatest promises of “treatment.” They put a choke chain on her, kicked her, and shocked her with an e-collar until she gave up, shut down, and stopped reacting. I feel ashamed to admit this now, but I was only trusting the professional advice promised to help. This made it seem like the training was working at first, but the big reactions kept getting bigger. It all came to a breaking point when she started redirecting (biting or chewing as a way to regulate herself) onto her leash and eventually me out of stress. I got a bad bite and knew it was time for a change.
The emotional toll, the isolation, and unbearable frustration with Lady’s reactivity began to feel so heavy. I was devastated to come to terms with the fact that she was not a hiking dog. Or even a walk in the park kind of dog.
We then took about 8 months off from exposing Lady to triggers, only did management, at home enrichment, and decompression walks. I immersed myself in learning about R+, body language, and behavior science. We started meds with a veterinary behaviorist and found Best Life Dog Services who I owe everything to. I learned how to understand Lady’s body language and emotional state, how to go at her pace, provide her with an enriching fulfilling life despite it being small, and decrease her chronic stress. For a while we were in a completely different place. I felt connected to Lady as opposed to at odds with her. With this perspective we became a team battling the reactivity together, rather than me versus Lady.
It was during this time that Lady did show signs of improvement. Her cortisol levels decreased, we started doing training set ups with other dogs present, (from very far away!) and we had an arsenal of tools for outside management. Flight cues, pattern games, engage disengage, capturing calm, muzzles and calming caps, you name it. It was also during this time that I started blogging about her story on Instagram and connected with many fellow reactive dog parents. This online community was and continues to be incredibly supportive. I found a lot of comfort in sharing the truth about the challenges of loving and teaching a reactive dog.
Now let me add, Lady was an absolute angel at home. I don’t want her story to be consumed by the reactivity because she was so much more than that. I lived with a good friend at the time, and the three of us would cuddle up on the couch with Lady in the middle, under all the blankets, getting bits of our snacks and taking turns getting pets. She loved her people, her squeaky toys, and learning tricks. She was smart, gentle, and had a big personality. She slept under the covers in bed with me at night and comforted me when I was sad. Her reactivity was nearly nonexistent at home, which made it easy to ignore for much of the day. She just couldn’t handle the unknown of being outside.
Lady continued to progress, but it was always like we were teetering on a balance beam, and disaster could happen at any moment. She would take one step forward and two steps back with an unavoidable big reaction. I had to continue to adapt my expectations of her recovery, resisting accepting that her reactivity would likely never completely go away. Her redirecting behavior persisted (chewing her leash, nipping or biting me in moments of extreme stress.) Living in a city, there were only so many lengths I could go to to avoid potential other dogs and unwanted off leash dog encounters. I had adapted so much of my own life to accommodate her needs. This on top of the chronic stress I experienced from taking her on walks became unsustainable. It all came to a breaking point during a training session with exactly our worst nightmare, an unexpected dog close in Lady’s view for a long period of time. This bite was the worst yet, and in that moment it brought me visceral clarity that we could no longer continue.
Behavior euthanasia is the most difficult and painful decision I have ever had to make. My baby, my heart, my whole world, how could I choose this? How could everything we worked for and built come to this? The reality was that Lady was a safety concern and something wasn’t right in her brain and in her genes. She was happy at home, but her world was so small. I was in over my head and so, so tired.
During Lady’s last week one night we were cuddling in bed and the idea to write a children’s book about her popped into my head. I said it outloud to her and she immediately lifted her head, put her paw on my chest, and stared into my eyes. I don’t know how, but she knew this was the next step on our journey.
Since Lady has been gone I have felt every emotion; grief, pain, sadness, heartbreak, relief, calm, and joy. My world has expanded and my stress has gone down. Experiencing such polarizing emotions at once is a confusing part of the human experience.
So, this book is for you, Lady, and the life we didn’t get to spend together.
I hope this blog reaches other reactive dog owners and those who have experienced or are contemplating BE. You are not alone <3
